When I was a little girl – a very little girl – I loved playing with dolls. My sister and I would set up our bedroom, dress our dolls in their prettiest dresses or comfiest pajamas, and play at being ‘Mother.’ Both of us were almost always at the point where we had been married for two years and had ‘birthed’ our ‘daughters’ on the same day – or, at least, in the same week. We played at changing diapers, feeding, and rocking our children to sleep. We went shopping and made dinner. And, if you asked us, we were each about twenty-years-old.
Fast-forward six or seven years. My sister and I still played at being Mother sometimes, but another of our games we called “Orphanage.” (No, we weren’t very original! You should have heard a few of the names we gave our stuffed animals!) Often, my role in this game, was to go to an ‘orphanage.’ (Read; as many dolls as we could pull together in one place.) I would go in and end up decided to adopt every one. My sister was the overly delighted or not-so-delighted, as the case may be, orphanage owner. Sometimes, I was ‘married’ and, other times, I was engaged. And the age of this new parent? Sometimes I was seventeen (a favorite age of mine) and sometimes I was about twenty.
Fast-forward a bit more. At about seventeen, in real time, I had begun to dream more seriously about publishing, at least, one book. One of my dreams showed me polishing and preparing my manuscript, while caring for my husband’s house and rejoicing over my new baby. I pictured myself anywhere from nineteen to twenty-three.
Fast-forward once more to current time, to compare my dreams of being a very young wife and mother, to reality.
In less than one short hour, I will be twenty-five. I’m neither married nor have any prospect of being so, at this point. Consequently, I don’t have any children either. I am an author. At twenty-five, I can claim four published books to my name, with many more in progress. That part of the dream came true. The rest hasn’t.
My point?
Do you know how much I have wanted to react? To ask God, why? To say, “LORD, what I wanted most, all of my life, was to be a young wife and mother. I wanted to be an author, but that was secondary. Couldn’t you see that? Why didn’t you grant it?”
Now, twenty-five isn’t exactly ancient, I know. Just twenty-four feels like it sometimes, but it’s really not. The trouble is, all of my life, I had dreamed that, by the time I reached tomorrow, I would be married with, at least, one child. And I won’t be. Not unless that were to happen in the next 38min. And I seriously doubt it.
And I’ve wanted to ask why? Or rather demand why. I’ve wanted to be upset, because I didn’t get what I wanted.
But… There’s something I had forgotten. Or, if I didn’t really forget, I temporarily put it out of mind.
God is sovereign. God is in control. He is on the throne and He knows what He is doing.
I tend to remember very well that He can do anything, but I tend to forget that He has his reasons for doing what He does.
He let me have those dreams, I don’t know why. But He has a purpose for them. And, yes, I would trade being an author, trade each of my published works, to be a wife and mother, any day. But He knows what He’s doing. He is God and I am not.
I, on the other hand, am called to be content. (1 Timothy 6:6, Hebrews 13:5) And to rejoice. (Philippians 3:1, Philippians 4:4, 1 Thessalonians 5:16)
If I am content and rejoicing in the LORD, even in trials, (James 1:2-4) will I question my LORD? Add to that, the call to give thanks. (1 Thessalonians 5:18)
I am far from perfect at any of these. In fact, I’m really talking to myself here. I am, with much prayer, however, working on it.
Do I still dream? No, not really like I used to. Do I still hope that dreams of yesterday may still be realized, just at a later time period than I imagined? Yes, quite.
The clock is ticking. Midnight is coming. I hope and pray that my year as a twenty-five-year-old is marked by contentment, trust in the LORD, join in Him, and service in His name. I can’t do it by myself – God help me remember that. I’m so thankful that I don’t even have to!
Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing. John 15:5
To the KING be all the glory!
Nice post. It’s funny which dreams or wishes are made real and which ones aren’t, but it’s easier to deal with it when you remember God is in control, just like you said. I pictured myself marrying at eighteen, and eighteen only. When eighteen came and went, I quickly let go putting an age and specific time onto such a big part of life. It’ll happen in God’s own perfect time. :D
~Jamie
God’s perfect timing is something I really need to learn to trust in more frequently. :)
Yay, you posted something!!!!
The day that you left our house you said that you you
needed do a blog post.
It is a good post.
And Happy birthday!!!
Thank you, dear!
Rebekah –
Loved reading this. It brought back memories for me. ;-) I, too, played with dolls, and not just when I was ‘a very little girl’! I played with dolls until I could no longer stand up under the mockery of my much cooler older sister (only a year older…but she matured much faster. Or I much slower!). I was a teen, I think, before I lost the desire to play with dolls.
I played ‘Orphanage’ by living in a real orphanage in Mexico two summers when I was 16 and 17. Being in a public school, I was a frustration to my guidance counselors when they asked what I wanted to do when I grew up. ‘Wife and mother? Well, yeah….you’ll probably be a wife and mother. But I mean, what do you want to DO?
I dreamed of being married when I was ‘young’, too, and having a husband, children, a home to keep, etc. I gave up the dream when I was 23. Perhaps I was too ‘practical’ and not enough ‘romantic’? I did have several marriage proposals in my younger years. But at 23, after seeing most of my peers married, watching them, hearing about, um, the, um, difficulties? ;-) I decided marriage really wasn’t for me. I’d been ‘in love’ but had never met a guy I could imagine living with FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE! ;-)
I was very content – for the next seven years. I wasn’t looking, I wasn’t dreaming. God was enough.
But God had a plan! And you know the rest of my story. ;-) At the age of 30, still not looking (but through a series of events, being more open to the thought!) I met a guy ‘I could imagine living with FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!’ Yeah, we still had some of the, um, difficulties. ;-) But I am SO glad I waited for this man! I will love living with him for the rest of my life!
And I might remind you…..What was Adam doing when God brought him his spouse? He was in a deep sleep! Sleep well, my friend. ;-)
Caryl Harris
I loved reading all of this. Thank you for the encouragement, Miss Caryl. :)