By the Windowsill

~ “If the Lord wills…”

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A dear young friend of mine recently asked me, “What is the LORD teaching you lately?” I had to think for a moment, but I eventually answered, “Patience. Learning to abide by His will.” Oddly enough, it wasn’t until that moment, that I had fully realized this lesson. Questions have the strangest ability to bring revelations.

When I was about 17, my Mom suggested that I try writing a book of short stories based on experiences in my real life. (So far, everything I wrote was pretty much based on thing I had read in other books.) That assignment became A Year with the Potters. I finished the entire 1st draft a little more than a year later and my readers encouraged me towards publication. So, I took the next obvious step – editing. I edited and a few other people read the book and gave me editing notes too. I wanted this book done at least before I was 20 – sooner would be better. Notice two words in that sentence: “I wanted.”

Because of reasons, completely beyond my control, my editors were unable to finish on my timeline. Eventually, I tabled the idea of publication. Our family had a rough year, we moved, I had another rough year, and then we moved again. By this time, I was nearly 22 years old. All of my editors had finished their notes. I threw myself into finishing my book. In a matter of weeks, I pronounced it done. Finally, the time had come to pursue publication had come! That was in late April. I wanted to have either submitted the book to a publishing company or had self published by the end of May. Notice a pattern here?

As I talked about in this post, during my final read-through, I began to question whether I was really finished writing or not. I prayed over that book for weeks. I didn’t want to do what He was telling me! I didn’t want to rewrite the entire book! But I did. The LORD’s leading was clear and I followed. I started on page one and rewrote all but one chapter, by hand. Then, I went through and typed out every page. It took me several weeks – much longer than I wanted – but I finished at last. By this time, I had decided, after much prayer and consideration, to self publish. My newest goal? I wanted to publish by early August.

I gave my book over to be proof read and set to work making my cover, re-calculating expenses, etc… The book was nearly ready, when my mother came up with a suggestion: illustrations. There are 13 chapters/stories in A Year with the Potters. What if I had an illustration for each? My sister Bethany began drawing and I switched again. I wanted to publish in mid August or by the second week of September at the very latest.

The illustrations had a few setbacks and the end of August drew near. Then, the last week of August – the 27th to be exact – we started packing to move again. And here I am.

Bethany still has 4 illustrations to draw, I still need to give the book a final read through and go through a few notes from my proof reader. Then, I have formatting and the rest of the cover to create. Not to mention the rest of the unpacking we have left here at our new house. I wanted to be done by now. And lest you think otherwise, I haven’t been the most gracious about the setbacks either. When I wasn’t saying anything aloud (and I have tried to keep it to myself most of the time), I’ve been complaining to myself. I didn’t think that the LORD might be trying to teach me something. Nothing seemed to fit within my timeline, so I got upset. But that’s just it. I wanted this and that. Did I pray about it? Yes. But I prayed my timeline would work out, I don’t think I ever prayed, “Let me publish this when You’re ready for me to release it, LORD.” It was more like, “I want this done at this time, LORD. Could You please make it happen?”

See? My timeline, not His. So, I’m working on patience. Contentment too. I think contentment must be the heart of patience. This book will get published when He says the day is right. Not before. My place is to be joyful and wait. Not beg for what I want, but ask Him to let His will be done, even when I think it is hard.

I do hope His will is soon though. I’m still hoping for this month or next, but I’m trying to wait patiently to see what my LORD has decided. I know, whenever He lets me publish, it will be the perfect time.

‘Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit.” Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. Instead, you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that.” ‘ James 4:13-15

 

To the KING be all the glory!

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~ “Consider it all joy…”

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“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” James 1:2-4

I had a post planned all about this verse. I planned it while packing the laundry and unpacking the kitchen. I even began it. Three paragraphs in, my post accidently got irrevocably deleted, I knew I wouldn’t be able to rewrite it and… I started to get angry.

That’s when I paused. The only part of my post left sitting on my screen was the title; “Consider it all joy…” So, I want to get angry, because I lost the post I was writing about joy? Somehow, that seems pretty mixed up and kind of ridiculous.

I don’t know about you, but my first reaction to the various trials in my life, is certainly not to consider it with joy. When I’m so exhausted from packing and moving boxes all day that I just want to go to bed though I still have three hours of work left, when my only pair of glasses suddenly has to be replaced, when I don’t want to move to a new house, or when I simply don’t feel up to doing whatever it is that needs to be done, I usually get annoyed. Which, of course, isn’t the definition of joy.

If any of you read this post a couple of years ago, you know how I feel about changes. In short, for those of you who haven’t, I don’t like changes very much. In fact, at one time, I think I could have honestly said that I hated changes. I’m better now, but I still don’t like them very much, most of the time. Since life is full of changes though, I have to learn to deal with them.

Now, this post isn’t about changes. My point in bringing them up is, I find most changes to be a trial, either big or small, depending on what they are, and November to the end of January were full of changes! Big changes, many of which I didn’t really want to experience.

In the very beginning of January, I felt convicted that I needed to start memorizing more Scripture and I felt led to begin in the book of James, chapter one, verse two. I found myself being told to “consider it all joy”, just when my life was beginning to feel like it was spinning out of control. At first, I thought little of the verse. Until I started to go about my day, repeating the verse for memorization.

I repeated my memory verse probably twenty-five times that day and it was an eye opening experience. I realized just how often I let my joy slide to surrounding circumstances. Is it really that hard to make lunch before I pack the bedroom, or help my little brother change his clothes before I fold the laundry? Is it really that terrible that we’re moving right after Christmas, or that we’re moving at all when I really don’t want to? Is it worth all the misery that giving away my joy will cause?

“Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.” Philippians 4:11

I know that the LORD is sovereign and in control. I need to remember that, and further, remember to be content. When I am content and trusting, I will have the means to “consider it all joy” and I did! January still didn’t go my way, hardly at all in fact, but I had more joy than I could have expected.

Now, I know that I can’t do this on my own. I have to pray long and hard to even come close to this attitude. Trust me, I’ve prayed for help more this year already than I probably did the entire first half of last year. I know the trials and changes aren’t over yet either. The LORD is faithful though, and I know that He can and will help me to learn to be content and joyful in His will.

All that said, I’m back to blogging again, LORD willing, on a regular basis and I’m so glad!

To the KING be all the glory!

– The Kitchen Needs to be Cleaned Again?!

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Over the years, I have read a lot of books, short stories, poems and essays. I love to read, as most of my friends already know.

Over the years, I have been learning to cultivate the duties of a homemaker. Folding laundry, vacuuming floors, caring for children, washing dishes… Washing dishes. Who likes to wash dishes? Not many people that I have ever heard of. I’ve heard of some who hate it, some who are pretty indifferent to it but no one usually likes it. After all, cleaning up the kitchen is a mundane, never-ending task, which really has no benefits or joy in it whatsoever.

You’re probably wondering, about now, what reading has to do with dishes, right? In many of the books that I have read, especially the old ones, young girls are shown, working in kitchens full of dirty dishes, for one reason or another. Either in their own family or in the family of someone else, they are shown washing and cleaning. Generally too, the same story continued – they weren’t enjoying the work. Granted, most of them tried to do the work cheerfully, and often either sang or tried to think of something else while they worked. (And I’m not saying that’s a bad thing either. It was all about cultivating a cheerful heart – a good and biblical principle!) Out of all those many character those, (and I can’t even count them all!) there was one character that stood out to me – one character.

She was an unmarried young woman, living with her mother, brother, and sister. While talking to a girl, younger than herself, she mentioned that she enjoyed washing the dishes. It was her duty in the house and she enjoyed it. Now, in my 13-year-old mind, I immediately decided that she was a bit crazy! I liked doing dishes when I was a very little girl but had pretty much grown to despise them, and then, when Mom told me that I shouldn’t hate something I would probably be doing for the rest of my life, I simply grew indifferent to them. But enjoy them? Crazy though I thought she was, I didn’t forget her.

Today, I am almost twenty-one years old. For years now, the many hours I have spent in the kitchen have mostly been filled with daydreaming about what I wished I were really doing or what I wanted to do when I was finished. Hardly ever was I focused on the job at hand. Oh! I was paying enough attention to make sure that I didn’t break the plates I was washing – but that’s about it. Cleaning up the kitchen was not much better than punishment to me.

About six months ago, or maybe a little more, I was trying to clean up the kitchen at our old house, and I prayed that, if it were possible, that I would learn to love housework, cleaning the kitchen especially. I didn’t wake up the next morning, jumping for joy at the sight of a pile of dishes, I confess. I did, however, begin working on my attitude, with the help of the LORD.

~ I tried to start holding my tongue when I looked at the kitchen and wanted to groan and whine about the tornado that seemed to have flown in. “Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.” Philippians 4:11

~ I tried to see the bright side of cleaning up the kitchen. I tried to discover and then focus on what could be so important about maintaining a clean kitchen or house. “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart Be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my rock and my Redeemer.” Psalm 19:14

~ I tried to sing and be cheerful while doing the work, no matter the circumstances. “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.” Proverbs 17:22

Slowly, over these last months, I have noticed a change in my thoughts. When your focus is on making a house, a comfortable home for the glory of the LORD , then you don’t see dishes as such a mundane task anymore. You can’t! What is done for the glory of our KING, simply can’t be mundane or worth complaining over. You find joy in it! You actually like to do it!

Now, lest you think that I have become perfect… I am still working on this. I still complain about doing the dishes at times – probably more than I would like to admit. I’m not always cheerful, nor do I always focus on the important part of my housework. When I do, however, I find that I can honestly say that I enjoy it and that is amazing. Focusing on our King and His glory, adds so much purpose, to otherwise meaningless activities!

“Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31

To the KING be all the glory!

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-My Tangled Thoughts About “Tangled”

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Tangled. The very name of the new Disney animated production seems to bring with it squeals of excitement and lavish praise. Everywhere I go on the internet it seems, everyone loves the movie, is looking forward to seeing the movie, can’t wait to own it, etc… This past week, I watched it for the first time. So… my tangled thoughts, combined with Scripture that I was reminded of throughout the film.

Things I liked:

Tangled is hilarious. Everything from sword fighting a horse to sarcastic remarks to a comic (non-talking) chameleon. Proverbs 17:22 “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine…”

Rapunzel: I actually liked her, which is saying a lot for me. Lately I find most heroines to be annoying at the very least. Rapunzel was different. She’s sweet. She’s cheerful. She cooks, bakes, makes candles, paints, sews, cleans… Proverbs 31:13 “She looks for wool and flax and works with her hands in delight.” For almost eighteen years, the young kidnapped girl is told she must stay in a hidden tower for her “safety”. Her “mother” is the only person that she has ever seen, since she was kidnapped as an infant. Rapunzel is left alone often but she doesn’t leave, no matter how much she longs to. Ephesians 6:1 “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” Rapunzel is feminine. And I love the way she handles that cast iron pan of hers – the perfect weapon! Someone sneaks into her tower, she knocks him out with her pan – perfect! She can protect herself when necessary, but she is perfectly willing to be protected and to allow Flynn/Eugene to do the fighting. I also love that she is completely unimpressed by any attempts at flattery and smooth talking by one of the male characters.

Flynn Rider/Eugene: Hmm… He is funny. In fact, he probably has the best lines in the entire film.

Both Rapunzel and Eugene, in the end, show that they truly love one another, in that each is willing to sacrifice themselves for the other. Rapunzel is willing to allow herself to be held prisoner for the rest of her life, to let Eugene live. Eugene allows himself to die to save Rapunzel. (Of course, he doesn’t die – but he didn’t expect that!!) John 15:13 “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.”

The score is beautiful and sets the mood well. The songs (since this is a musical) are catchy. They get stuck in your head with a fair amount of ease. Donna Murphy, (Mother Gothel) has a beautiful, rich and powerful voice! She sings very well indeed! Mandy Moore (Rapunzel) has a lovely, gentle, way of singing that adds to the character. Zachary Levi’s (Eugene) part is worth mentioning as well. Even though I think that his main song was kind of boring, it sure was pretty! The voice acting was very well done when no one was singing as well. It didn’t sound fake like some other animations.

Things I disliked:

Rapunzel: It does bother me that she does disobey and leave her tower. She thinks her kidnapper is her real mother and that she’s trying to protect her. On the other hand, Mother Gothel (the kidnapper) had just turned into a somewhat frightening person and told her that she would never be allowed to leave the tower. My biggest problem with Rapunzel though is that she allows herself to start to fall in love with a thief before he shows any signs of repenting and when she’s only known him for a few days!! That is my biggest complaint about her. True, you could say that she’s very innocent and naive and doesn’t know any better – but still! 1 Corinthians 15:33 “Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.” If this applies to friends, how much more to marriage!

Flynn Rider/Eugene: What can I say? He’s a thief. Exodus 20:15 “Thou shalt not steal.” At least he turns away from his thieving ways and redeems himself! Ephesians 4:28 “He who steals must steal no longer; but rather he must labor, performing with his own hands what is good, so that he will have something to share with one who has need.” He’s pretty self centered at times… but, again, he changes in the end. I simply don’t like his character a whole lot at times… the way he talks is occasionally very annoying but as I keep saying… he changes in the end.

All in all, I did enjoy the movie. Would I recommend it? I don’t know. Possibly. It might depend on whom I was talking to. And no, I didn’t mention every aspect of the movie… this is just some of my thoughts. :)

To the KING be all the glory!

– To Change or Not to Change… Really Not a Question…

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Change: “A succession of one thing in the place of another” Webster’s 1828 Dictionary

My life has undergone a great deal of change in the last year or so. People who used to be a weekly if not daily part of my life are gone, activities that I was used to participating in are almost nothing but a memory and some of the “things” that I had allowed myself to rely upon to make my life feel secure have disappeared. Changes, in my life, have been rampant! A change here, a change there – sometimes I fear they will never end!

All this might not be so bad but for one thing: I am the worst enemy of changes. A change could be coming and it might be the best thing possible but if it interferes with my plans or something that I am accustomed to, unless a miracle happens, I am almost certain to resent the existence – the very thought – of that change coming into my life! Anything as trivial as changing the curtains in my bedroom or changing an outdated photograph or changing what I am used to in my schedule can set me off! My demeanor, tone and outlook changes, it creates a feeling of depression that probably radiates all about me. It’s a part of my nature though that doesn’t mean it’s right…

It took me a long time to decide why I don’t like change. Why it affects me in the way it does. I thought it was just how I was, with no real reason behind it. The minute I see that something out of the ordinary is going to take place, I tighten up and get sick to my stomach. My brain starts going so fast that even I don’t even know exactly everything that I am thinking. I no longer take notice of everything around me and more often than not, I tend to focus on one thing to an extraordinary degree, whether it is my drawing, crochet or even washing the dishes. I focus on it to the basic exclusion of everything else. My patience level drops to nearly zero and my words are often short, to the point and I regret to say, often rude. In essence, I lose my self control. Not completely, mind you – I don’t do anything extreme – but I do lose control. Afterwards, I generally avoid all thought and conversation of the particular change, or it might start all over again.

You might be wondering, what is the reason? Change, in a way, terrifies me. That may sound silly but it does. It takes me out of my comfort zone and it often takes away my control of a situation. Being in control of the situation makes me feel secure, so when a change comes along, taking that away, I often, suddenly, lose my sense of security. So… is this something that I should just live with? It would be so easy to justify myself at this point, and believe me, I have done so, saying that this is just the way my personality is and I therefore can’t help it. Looking at the matter from a Biblical perspective, however, I can’t agree, even with myself…

First of all, to say that anything that causes you to sin (i.e. being rude, losing control, etc…) is “just the way my personality is”, is completely wrong, if you look at it through the Bible. Jesus says in Matthew 5:48 “Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” and Paul says, “I can do all things, through Christ which strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13) We are never justified when we sin and there is nothing that we can not do, if the LORD is on our side. “If God be for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31)

Secondly, I shouldn’t rely so heavily on the things of this world to make me feel secure. If I completely trusted in the LORD at all times, would I ever panic over a change? “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.” (Proverbs 3:5) My “own understanding” would leave myself in control of everything and probably would never bring about almost any changes – which even I can see would ultimately, be a bad thing. I need to learn to trust and submit to the LORD – cheerfully!

Now, I don’t think I will ever learn to like changes – I could be wrong but I do think that not liking change is an irreversible part of my personality. However, I can change how I react to the changes. It probably won’t change overnight (I wish it could!) but LORD willing, I will learn to trust and submit and changes in my future won’t be such a catastrophe…

To the KING be all the glory!

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