“Every girl asks herself, at one time or another, whether or not she’s beautiful.”
I don’t remember who I heard say that or why they said it, but I do remember my response: “Not me! I don’t ever wonder! I don’t care!”
I wonder how old I was? Fifteen? Sixteen? Maybe. I meant it too. In fact, not only did I mean it, I felt a wee bit proud of it! I didn’t care – and that made me feel a tad superior. That is…
Until the day I happened to look in the mirror and wondered, “Am I beautiful? Does anyone think I’m beautiful? Even if they do, am I truly?”
My ever logical brain quickly responded, “What is beauty? What defines it? Who decides it? And you know, it doesn’t really matter in the course of life. Not really.”
That conversation has been repeated in my head, too often. Not exact every time, of course. There have been twists.
See, while I’ve rarely had anyone tell me what they thought of my beauty or lack thereof specifically, I have had people refer to my sisters and I as “lovely” or “beautiful” – and sometimes my entire family has been called both.
Sure, I think my sisters are pretty and my little brother is about as cute as they come! Granted, I know I’m biased, but still, I wondered about me. Do they generalize – because I am one of the sisters or part of the family? Does anything think I am pretty alone – or just with the others?
It doesn’t help that I look rather younger than I am. At twenty-three, strangers often think I’m sixteen – sometimes younger. And while that doesn’t offend me in the least – I usually laugh – it added to my mental conversations. Do I just look like a little girl? Or do I actually have some womanly beauty?
Looking at myself in the mirror yesterday, the newest version of this talk echoed through my head – until something struck me. There is one thing that always, always comes up in these wondering thoughts. Two words: I and me.
My focus is on… myself. What I look like. What others think I look like. I’m supposed to “set my eyes on things above”, “seek first the kingdom of God”, and “whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”… My focus should be on the KING and His Kingdom – not me.
Now, I don’t think it’s wrong for a girl or woman to wonder if she’s pretty. I think that it’s probably natural. But, that question should never define me – and I had begun to let it. I had begun to linger on that thought far too often. I should never sit and dwell on it, as if my beauty or lack thereof, changed my worth in the slightest degree.
On my own, I’m still a worthless sinner and in Christ, I’m God’s beloved child, no matter what I look like; ugly, beautiful, or somewhere in-between! May the LORD above help me to keep my focus on Him, to bring Him glory, being happy to leave any questions of my beauty in His hands! After all, He made me as I am. Let me be happy and content!
“Charm is deceitful and beauty if vain, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.” Proverbs 30:30
To the KING be all the glory!
Very well written, Rebekah. I whole-heartedly agree with you. :)
:)
Rebekah –
Re: “Does any[one] think I am pretty alone – or just with the others?” (referring to your beautiful family). You are beautiful all by yourself, not even counting your place in your family – IMHO. ;-) But your place and role in the family does add to your beauty.
I identified with what you wrote. I’ve never much cared if I was ‘beautiful’ either. I want to look tidy (but don’t because I always have stray hairs sticking out all over) and modest and don’t want to draw attention to myself. I do want my husband to find me ‘attractive’ (and being a kind and merciful man and somewhat nearsighted – which flaw we correct with rose colored glasses – he does). To that end, I like to meditate on your Prov. 30:30 verse as well as this one from 1 Peter 3:3-5 — ‘Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight, For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful.’
Keep that ‘gentle and quiet spirit’ (even if it’s just shyness?) ;-) and keep on putting your hope in God and you will always be beautiful – and have ‘great worth in God’s sight’.
Caryl
Wow, who took that picture???
I like the post.
I’m not sure. Maybe Bethany?