Climbing Mount Difficulty with Shouts of Praise

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I had so many aspirations for posting on my blog in 2016. I was going to start in January and be quite consistent. I even wrote out several posts, but never typed them.

Then, before I knew it, May had arrived and my blog still hadn’t been touched since December. Granted, I’ve been really busy with things… Still, it’s time I resurrected this silent, sad place. So, here’s my New Year post… Just five months and twenty-four days late.

What did I say last year, when writing about the Longest Year of My Life? That I wanted my year-end post to reflect the LORD and what He was doing in my life – and not just focus on myself.

I have commenced this post many times, only to tear it out of my notebook and toss it aside. The primary reason was that I couldn’t seem to get my focus right. It just kept coming back to me, not what the LORD was doing through, in, and around me.

Borrowing from John Bunyan, I have called 2015 my climb up Mount Difficulty. Much like Christian, who, as he trudged over rocks and avoided cliffs, began focusing on his trials and the weariness that he felt, I have wanted to focus on the circumstances and trials that made this last year so difficult. Even when my rocks were silver and the cliffs showed sparkles of gold, I wanted to notice the rough edges or the scrapes and bruises that I’d accumulated.

Still, the LORD is gracious. He keeps reminding me and convicting me of the importance of praise and focus on Him. All year, He kept reminding me, and while I often failed, the LORD kept pushing me toward giving those shouts of praise, while I struggled on.

So, as a belated good-buy to 2015, here are a few works of the LORD from those twelve-months:

-I became a sister-in-law, when my younger sister, Bethany, got married in May.

-I am an auntie! And I have the chance of sharing my birthday with my nephew or niece. We’ll see. (As of this month, I have the most precious little niece outside her mama’s tummy. No, we didn’t share a birthday, but it was close!)

-I typed, edited, and finally published 24 Days Before Christmas. I never would have finished without the LORD’s help. Certainly a project beyond my human abilities alone.

-I got to stay with the Marr family for three different visits, including around the birth of their little Susannah in March. Always a blessing.

-Lastly, the LORD brought me so far this year. I may expound in a later post, but it was in the later part of the year, when the LORD reminded me where He had brought me from in a year. Despite the trials and struggles of 2015, despite the climb up Mount Difficulty, I have come so far from what felt like the Valley of the Shadow of Death in much of 2014. The LORD has been so good to me. So good. I still have much to learn, I am still anything but perfect, but he has brought me so far! I stand amazed.

-Fear and trust. The LORD has convicted me much on these two. They’re opposites. Fear doesn’t allow trust. Trust kicks out of fear. Fear of man, life, circumstances. Trust in the God of the Universe.

Do I have any idea what this year will be like? No, not really. A move and the arrival of my nephew or niece. [Well… The move happened. Wow, that’s a long story in and of itself. My niece is here too! Still, I still have more than seven months that could bring all sorts of things.]

Prayerfully, I’ll grow closer to the LORD. I have a new book to write. And maybe some short stories or a serial. I could give into fear. There are several things that I could list, that could easily fill me with rather more apprehension.

Still, I’m learning. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

That last is what I’m doing. Committing this year to the LORD of Hosts. After all, He does know what He’s doing. He has my life in His hands. I can trust Him.

Maybe I’ll move beyond trust and actually get excited. Because, if the God who made the Universe is in charge of 2016, who knows what He has planned?

To the KING be all the glory!

~Five Years Through Which Lens?

– – –

If I could make the current version of myself to stand side by side with the person that I was, say, two years ago, I wonder if I would recognize myself? How about four years ago? Or five?

Five years ago, I had just turned twenty. I remember the month of May well. I got a pocket knife for my birthday. It’s on my shelf. And sheet music. I’m still learning it. I made myself a white blouse and a light, pink jumper in the style of the 50’s. The same dress that I wore to the rehearsal dinner for my sister’s wedding just a week ago.

Still, when I remember that girl – woman scarcely seem to describe her of so long ago – she appears so different than the ‘me’ of today. Her burden of life was different. Her struggles, though they felt so large, were really not that big. And in the intervening five years? I’ve changed and, inwardly, at least, I’ve changed a lot. There are times that I look at myself in the mirror no wand I can almost see the weight of life clinging to my shoulders. So many things have happened in five years.

After my twentieth birthday…

-My dad had to change jobs. The new job paid much better and, in many respects, was an answer to prayer. His commute, however, quadrupled. His hours were long and his drive time extended. While his stress level was so much less, it also felt like we saw far less of him.

-My family had to move from our house of thirteen years with little time, and during Christmas. For someone who likes to keep everything the same around her as much as possible, this felt like ripping me from one world and placing me in a new one.

-Many of our friends started moving. Away from where we were. Some farther than others.

-My mother’s health went into decline again. Or on a rollercoaster.

-We stopped attending our church of several years when it moved.

-We moved again. This time to a different city.

-Then, we moved again seven months later.

-My dear great-aunt died.

-My dear step-grandmother* died.

-Our cat of eighteen years had to be put down.

-We had to give away our dog of nine years.

-My grandfather died.

-And, most recently, I have friends moving even father way, and my sister is gone, having just got married.

These are what constitutes the weight resting on my shoulders, along with our house being re-decorated, (have I mentioned that I don’t like change??) my library being remodeled (silly thing to find a problem – but I don’t like my stores remodeled either…) my schedule changing, another move coming in the foreseeable future – all among other things that I can’t or won’t mention. There are times that I want to ask the LORD if He has forgotten me. And just how much one person can handle; how much loss before they just can’t bear it anymore.

I’m weary. I’m tired of pushing through, surviving, and fearing my future. Because, yes, I fear it far too often. I wonder who I’ll lose next and why. I wonder how I’ll survive it, because I don’t want to try anymore.

But, I wonder… Am I doing this wrong?

After my twentieth birthday…

-I learned the ins and outs of packing up a house and setting up a new one. (Especially the last!) In a speedy and efficient manner, no less.

-I discovered how dear my friends were to me and learned how to reach out to keep in contact, even when I couldn’t see them in person very often.

-I found out that the LORD can, indeed, impart strength, when your own is completely gone.

-I rewrote and published A Year with the Potters.

-I got to watch the LORD provide help when we needed it most while moving.

-I got to watch Him provide when we were low financially.

-I wrote and published Grandmother’s Letters.

-I published A Tale of the Say’s Phoebe.

-I composed my longest and most complicated piece of music on the piano ever, War and Memories.

-I got to work my own booth at the Homeschool Convention – twice! – and discovered that I can converse with strangers while keeping a genuine smile on my face.

-I rewrote and published Journeys of Four.

-I made new friends, both near and far, both in person and online, much as a result of changes occurring in my life.

-I learned to pray like never before in my life.

-I have friends who will always pray for me when I ask.

-I saw how fleeting this life is, but what a legacy can be left.

-I gained a brother by my sister’s marriage, as well as a closer bond with a family who has long been dear to me, and my sister is very happy. (Hence the heading photograph, which I really love!)

These five years, nay, this entire life of mine, can be viewed through two lenses; The Trials and Struggles of Life or The Blessings and Works of the LORD. I just described the exact same five years, but very differently. All too often, I view with the former lens, letting the other grow rusty, and adding to that burden that I can see in the mirror.

Does an alternate view take away the ache of losses? No. Do I miss that my grandfather isn’t hear to ask me to sing to him? That our kitty can’t snuggle with me? That I can’t ramble to my sister about my newest book predicament while we clean the house? Yes. However, even the trials and struggles, are still the works of the LORD. He hasn’t lost His throne just because I’m having a difficult time. The question is, amidst the difficulties of life, am I thankful and can I rejoice? Can I acknowledge the blessings that the LORD has poured down? When I do those things, the weight of my burden becomes lighter – when I give the burden of fear over to Him, recalling that He is on the throne, has promised me strength, and will not give me more than His might and power can’t handle – life looks different. So, different. I can’t see that burden in the mirror. The loss is still there. I will still grieve. But it’s not without hope. I need to acknowledge His blessings and remember the wonders He has done, as the Psalmist says.

In His strength, as His child, with much prayer, I can rejoice, be thankful, and keep my eyes on the LORD, even through the darkest of valleys and the deepest of floods.

Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Come unto Me, all who are weary and heavy-lade, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light. Matthew 11: 28-30

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the test of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4

 

To the KING be all the glory!

 *It has come to my attention that I originally listed my “step-mother” dying. That was a typo. My step-grandmother died. For anyone who doesn’t know me in person, I don’t have a step-mother and never have. The typo has since been fixed. I apologize for any confusion. One should be careful about putting up a blog post when tired. :)

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