– To Change or Not to Change… Really Not a Question…

My life has undergone a great deal of change in the last year or so. People who used to be a weekly if not daily part of my life are gone, activities that I was used to participating in are almost nothing but a memory and some of the “things” that I had allowed myself to rely upon to make my life feel secure have disappeared. Changes, in my life, have been rampant! A change here, a change there – sometimes I fear they will never end!

All this might not be so bad but for one thing: I am the worst enemy of changes. A change could be coming and it might be the best thing possible but if it interferes with my plans or something that I am accustomed to, unless a miracle happens, I am almost certain to resent the existence – the very thought – of that change coming into my life! Anything as trivial as changing the curtains in my bedroom or changing an outdated photograph or changing what I am used to in my schedule can set me off! My demeanor, tone and outlook changes, it creates a feeling of depression that probably radiates all about me. It’s a part of my nature though that doesn’t mean it’s right…

It took me a long time to decide why I don’t like change. Why it affects me in the way it does. I thought it was just how I was, with no real reason behind it. The minute I see that something out of the ordinary is going to take place, I tighten up and get sick to my stomach. My brain starts going so fast that even I don’t even know exactly everything that I am thinking. I no longer take notice of everything around me and more often than not, I tend to focus on one thing to an extraordinary degree, whether it is my drawing, crochet or even washing the dishes. I focus on it to the basic exclusion of everything else. My patience level drops to nearly zero and my words are often short, to the point and I regret to say, often rude. In essence, I lose my self control. Not completely, mind you – I don’t do anything extreme – but I do lose control. Afterwards, I generally avoid all thought and conversation of the particular change, or it might start all over again.

You might be wondering, what is the reason? Change, in a way, terrifies me. That may sound silly but it does. It takes me out of my comfort zone and it often takes away my control of a situation. Being in control of the situation makes me feel secure, so when a change comes along, taking that away, I often, suddenly, lose my sense of security. So… is this something that I should just live with? It would be so easy to justify myself at this point, and believe me, I have done so, saying that this is just the way my personality is and I therefore can’t help it. Looking at the matter from a Biblical perspective, however, I can’t agree, even with myself…

First of all, to say that anything that causes you to sin (i.e. being rude, losing control, etc…) is “just the way my personality is”, is completely wrong, if you look at it through the Bible. Jesus says in Matthew 5:48 “Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” and Paul says, “I can do all things, through Christ which strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13) We are never justified when we sin and there is nothing that we can not do, if the LORD is on our side. “If God be for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31)

Secondly, I shouldn’t rely so heavily on the things of this world to make me feel secure. If I completely trusted in the LORD at all times, would I ever panic over a change? “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.” (Proverbs 3:5) My “own understanding” would leave myself in control of everything and probably would never bring about almost any changes – which even I can see would ultimately, be a bad thing. I need to learn to trust and submit to the LORD – cheerfully!

Now, I don’t think I will ever learn to like changes – I could be wrong but I do think that not liking change is an irreversible part of my personality. However, I can change how I react to the changes. It probably won’t change overnight (I wish it could!) but LORD willing, I will learn to trust and submit and changes in my future won’t be such a catastrophe…

To the KING be all the glory!

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